The Only Hope For Me Is You
by vanillaXtwilight
Summary: The night of Christina and Owen's wedding. April/Jackson. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: The writing? All mine. The characters? Not so much.**

"Sup house crashers?"

I whipped around from where I was standing to glare over my shoulder at Alex Karev as he approached the sink where Jackson and I were currently taking up space. He squeezed between the very little space separating us to get a better look at himself in the mirror. I couldn't stop the scoff the escaped from my lips as I stumbled to the left a bit, just barely finding my footing before I would toppled over completely. I would yell but it's kind of difficult to be angry at somebody for using the bathroom in their own house. Well, _technically_, it was Meredith's house but regardless of whose name was on the lease, we all knew this place belonged more to Karev and the other original Seattle Gracers more than Jackson and I could ever hope for.

Not too long ago we'd had a similar type sanctuary. It was an apartment about nine or so blocks from here in the more downtown part of Seattle. Reed and I may have paid the rent but I couldn't tell you the number of times I'd woken up in the middle of the night to find Jackson or Charles fast asleep on the pull out couch. That apartment had been our escape from the troubles of everyday life at the hospital and where we had all gotten to know each other best. It had especially become fundamental to our friendship when we'd felt our old ties slowly slipping away as we spread further and further apart after the merger.

But that was before. This was now. _This_ was my reality.

And in this reality that safe haven no longer existed. The place I once called home had been resorted to an empty, hollow shell of what it had once been. Where there was once life and laughter and love to fill the halls was now replaced with sorrow and grief and bittersweet memories.

Those memories were part of the reason how I ended up here. After one too many days of sneaking away to an on call room to catch up on sleep that seemed impossible to find at my apartment, Meredith found me at one of the nurse's stations and offered her house as a place to stay. I graciously accepted but quickly asked if there was room for Jackson at the house, too. The words had just sort of come tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop them. Without either of us really aware of it, Jackson and I had started feeling responsible for each other. I guess it made sense though. We might have been handling the situation differently but he was, after all, going through the exact same type of pain I was. Meredith thought it over only for a moment before nodding. "We have to stick together, right?" She had said before offering up what I had come to know as a rare Meredith Grey smile and patted my hand before heading off in the other direction.

Alex continued to awkwardly adjust his tie when I noticed Jackson over Karev's head. He looked as though he were just itching to reach out and fix it for him. I smiled. It was practically embedded in the Avery DNA how to properly dress and if the way Alex was trying to knot his tie was any indication, it was not the same story with the Karev's.

"Screw this." I heard him grumble under his breath before spinning around on the sole of his shoe and stomping out of the bathroom.

"Kepner." He called back at me from where he had stopped in the door way. I turned around slowly, trying to block out all the possible insults my mind kept coming up with that he might throw my way. Instead I only found him to be wearing his signature sleazy, lop-sided grin. "You should dress like that more often. You look _hot_." I tried to formulate some kind of response but nothing would come out. I was too busy noticing what could only be described as an evil-like twinkle in his eye before he pushed himself off the door frame and sauntered away down the hall.

The rational part of my brain felt disgusted and thanked God for the inability to read minds because I was sure whatever Alex Karev had been thinking had "sin" written all over. But the other part of me, the irrational part, was a little flattered and had to fight to keep the small smirk off my face. I tugged at the bottom of my dress and manically tucked and untucked strands of hair behind my ear. "Is it too much?" I asked resting my chin against my chest as I flattening my hands against the material of the dress, attempting to straighten out any creases.

Jackson just smiled at me from the corner of his eye. "Not at all."

"You sure?" I asked suddenly feeling a little uneasy about this whole thing. If, according to most people, I didn't even belong at the hospital well then I most certainly didn't belong anywhere near Meredith Grey's "frat" house, let alone Christina Yang's _wedding_.

"You really need to relax." Jackson chuckled.

"That's easy for you to say." I accused him quickly, poking his shoulder with my index finger. "You were practically born in a suit! Not all of us were blessed with natural good looks and charm, Avery." I grumbled, trying and failing to keep the irritation out of my voice as I fiddled with the pendent hanging around my neck.

"Thanks?" he said with a laugh and a wobbly smirk, unsure of how to respond to her complimentary non-compliment.

I managed to roll my eyes before collapsing back on to the closed toilet seat. "I don't want to do this." I mumbled from beneath my hands which were now covering my face.

I heard Jackson's movements at the sink momentarily stop as he contemplated his next move. The next thing I knew I saw the tops of his shoes through the slits in my fingers. I dropped my hands to my lap and looked up to meet his gaze as he stared down at me. The look of concentration in his eyes took me a back a little bit. I had to gulp for breath as I felt the airy silence between us start to suffocate me.

This was the kind of silence that reminded me that we still hadn't talked. Not really, at least. I guess blame could be squared on both of our shoulders equally for that. I had been doing too much crying to ever have any _real_ conversations without breaking down entirely and Jackson hadn't been doing much talking at all from what I could tell. His current sway between totally normal and stony silence had become a regular thing over the past few weeks. He was still there to deal out tissues and hugs when needed but very few words had actually passed between us since the shooting. Even at the funerals, we hadn't _talked_. We both had seemed more comfortable with communicating more so in silent agreements and kind gestures.

This encounter was probably the most we had talked at all in days.

"Why?" He finally asked.

I shrugged sheepishly, keeping my eyes focused on the tile beneath my feet. "It just doesn't feel…right." I barely managed to meet his eyes but when I did he was looking at me in that way only someone who's known you a long time can look at you. He was looking at me as though he could read every single one of my thoughts and the worst part was that, at that moment, I actually believed he could and, yet, I had no idea what was going on in his mind.

He sighed shrewdly as he took a seat on the side of the tub. Silence filled the air again as he rubbed his hands together and then against his knees as mulled over his choice of words. He let out another low breath before I finally heard him clear his throat and start to talk.

"I had a cat when I was younger." He stated. "Did you know that?"

I almost wished we were back to the uncomfortable silence as I awkwardly opened and closed my mouth like a dying fish. When he looked up at me expectantly I snapped my jaw shut and just shook my head no so that he'd continue on even if I had no clue as to where he was going with it.

"Yeah. Her name was Peaches because she had this really pretty, orange fur that reminded you of peach fuzz. Kind of like the sunset." He said softly, getting an almost wistful look in his eyes. "But anyway," he said snapping back in to reality. "Well, I guess I was really attached to her. Not like creepy, cat-lady attached or anything, but like a kid with his first pet attached. My mom was always at the hospital working so we spent a lot of time together." I could almost detect a sense of bitterness in his tone at the mere mention of his mother. The way his jaw tightened and he flexed his hands also didn't go unnoticed but I didn't say anything. He wouldn't have wanted me to.

"Then one day, my mom told me that Peaches had died." He glanced up from the tile then and for a second I wondered if that was the whole story but when I opened my mouth to reply he cut me off, returning his gaze back to the floor. "It was weird though because I had already known. The minute I opened my eyes I knew. There was just this feeling in the pit of my stomach as though the world was…off."

I thought back to the morning of the shooting and tried to pinpoint if there was ever really a moment before slipping in Reed's blood that I had noticed something off about the day. As I combed my memory for an answer Jackson's voice broke through my thoughts.

"That day of the shooting I had the same feeling in my stomach. And then again on the day after the shooting. And the day after that and the day after that."

"What's your point?" I curtly interrupted, not wanting to be reminded of the painful days that followed. The minute I did I felt bad because I hadn't really meant to but aside from the initial surprised eyebrow raise, Jackson didn't seem too phased.

"My point is," he said, hesitating only slightly before continuing on. "Nothing feels right. At least, not right now. And it's not going to for a while."

He scooted further down the side of tub until our knees bumped in to each other. He reached over and took my hands in to his, willing for me to look up. When I did he smiled weakly in my direction. "My point is we can't do things based on if they feel right or not, otherwise we'll _never_ get better. We'll just be stuck in this endless cycle of depression and guilt. Ree…" he stopped himself short before he could finish the name. "They wouldn't want that for us. _I_ don't want that for us. And neither should you."

Silence followed as his words lingered in the air between us. The silence wasn't new but this type of quiet was much more comfortable than the others had been. In those other moments of stillness I had ended up thinking about those who weren't there with us but this time I was only thinking about the man sitting across from me right now and how happy I was to have him there.

"Do you think we'll ever be happy again, Jackson?" I heard myself say, voicing the same question that I've been terrified to ask anybody since the minute I found myself face first in a pool of my best friend's blood.

He squeezed his hand in mine and brought it to his lips placing a soft kiss on the back of my hand before standing up from the porcelain tub. "I sure hope so." He replied before making his way out of the bathroom.

Hope. That really was all we could do from now, wasn't it?

"Oh," I heard him say as though he'd forgotten something. He turned in the doorway to face me just as I stood up and repositioned myself back at the mirror. "April?"

"Yeah?" I asked watching his reflection in the corner of the mirror. When I saw him smile for the first time in what felt like forever I couldn't help but actually turn around to see it for myself. Witnessing a smile around here now-a-days was like seeing a rainbow. You knew they were fleeting but they still made you see a little bit of happiness in the world anyway if just for those few seconds.

"You look really nice."

The way he looked at me then made me feel like the prettiest girl in the room. I could almost feel a blush creeping across my cheeks as I struggled to keep eye contact while biting my lip to suppress the full-blown grin threatening to surface. "So do you." I replied, not being able to hold back my smile any longer. The corners of his mouth quirked up and he tipped an imaginary hat at me in my direction before disappearing down the hall leaving behind my grinning reflection and a new found sense of hope fluttering in my chest.

**A/N: Hey there lovely readers! **

**So this was take two at an April and Jackson fic for me and I think this one actually went a little bit smoother then last time. The last one I kept editing and reediting before I posted it but this one was written in about an hour and there wasn't much editing done so excuse the grammatical errors please . I just kind of felt good about this one.**

**I was so pleased with the response from my other try that I decided I'd take another whack at it. So this one is specifically dedicated to Hidge, PouringDownRain, LoveforPenandDerek, Words Unleashed, and BeLikeWater. You guys are seriously awesome! :D Reviews are what give me inspiration to write more so if you like what you see then press that blue button at the bottom of the screen and help make my day . **

**Alrighty, wellll I can't wait to see what you guys have to say at my second try at this! Hopefully more stories are to come!**

**THANKS FOR READING!**


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